A message from my consciousness…

She avoids the blame … I think the pain of responsibility is too much for her to bare, which makes me very sympathetic, but at the same time angry, because she represented herself as a strong, just person, and I thought I had a few things to learn from her. In the end it was just a lie to cover up her insecurities and protect herself. And the most painful part is that there is nothing I can do for her in that regard. It’s a very protected wall that surrounds her and keeps everyone else out.

I did learn something, however. For the first time, I loved her, really truly just loved her, I let go of my fears completely, and didn’t keep “one toe on the shore”. I realized that it doesn’t hurt as much to lose that kind of love — it hurts — but I know I did it completely and without reproach.

I feel empathy for her. Because I was there at some point in my past, so protective, so vulnerable that I couldn’t allow others into my experience. It’s probably the commonality that made me like her in the first place. I’m just not that person anymore, and I’ve been hurt by that person, so I am having a hard time seeing it through her eyes. She feels completely justified (while perhaps conflicted) in her response, and for good reason, because she’s reacting with the only instincts she’s ever really known. For her to see it my way would have required her to transcend those instincts which are so deeply rooted. It may be painful for me, but it’s unfair for me to expect that she could do that in one fell swoop.

I have lost another game of love, but the score was close, and my heart was in it.

New Posts in the Pages

There are two new posts in the pages:

Collin at Make talks about induction.

Larry Lessig talks about Copyright Law and its Downfalls.

Treo 650 v. LG NV3

Okay, so lets disclaim a few exceptions before continuing with this article:

1. I have a love/hate relationship with technological advancement.  Once I invest myself in a particular piece of technology, I have a tendency to wear the bastard out, well beyond its expected date of obsolescence.
2. The Treo 650 was one of the most advanced phones on the market at the point when I purchased it (costing me $450.00 after the $200 rebate for signing a contract).
3. I don’t really use advanced data features on my phone, even tho I had access to those capabilities when I bought the 650.

So all that being said, I have to say, I’m thoroughly disappointed with Palm.  Perhaps its an obvious conclusion, but when I bought the 650, I was promised that I was going to be on the bleeding edge of technological advancement for many years to come.   Given my stubbornness when it comes to ditching old technology, I believed this up until last week.

Last week, the 650 finally died on me after almost 4 years of dedicated (perhaps dysfunctional) service.   I spent much of its life explaining to people how to use my phone, even tho I became quite smooth in its operation.

I bought an LG NV3 as my replacement for the following reasons:

1. I only text and talk.  I’m so into the web at work and home that I don’t need it when I’m not at either of those places. I don’t tweet, and I Facebook only when others Facebook me.
2. I didn’t need a 20 lb. brick in my pocket anymore.
3. I still wanted to maintain access to QWERTY keyboard, and the NV3’s keyboard is more accessible than the 650.

But those are just technical reasons.  My eyes were finally opened once I started to use the NV3.   I was blown away with how easy the user experience is, and how little explanation I had to give to my brother on how to use it (my brother is a farmer who’s technological know-how expands no farther than his stereo, iTunes and automated watering systems).

The interface is fast, interesting and reliable.  One key access to voice recording, voice dial, speed dial and photos doesn’t require it be opened.  The contact list if far more searchable, and texting is two steps from start to finish.

The Treo was far more complicated.  The only feature that was similar was single button speed dials.  Other than that, I would constantly find that when I would access the phone I’d be in some random app that I didn’t use.  Accessing the contacts is quick, but writing text messages requires at least a minor in Computer Science to figure out.  Additionally, accessing the data on the phone from the computer is nightmare.

This all was quite a shock to me, considering that at the end of the day after rebates, the NV3 costs about $75.00, and the Treo 700 (650 doesn’t appear to be available anymore) still hangs around a $500.00 price point.

The point being, price is not an indicator of value.  Buy and NV3 if you don’t need/want the internet, it’s worth the price.

Diffidence and Modern Homogeny

Sitting in my office I noticed that what appeared (according to all my senses) to be popcorn cooking in the microwave turned out to be instant macaroni and cheese.  Leaving me with the thought:

It’s a representation of how profit bent that companies are that they will deliver one product, with all the representations of another product, just to make sure we consume it.

What the hell has happened to our sense of adventure?

Then I start to feel the mental dog chasing its tail.  They do it because we want it, and will pay for it.  We want it because we are diffident with regard to expanding outside of our boxes.  Which generates a homogeneous environment that we are terrified to leave.  They don’t present us with anything outside of that box for fear of losing profit, so we further seek the similar products, and stay within the box.

Next thing you know, we’re all eating Soylent Green and wondering what its made of.  Then we become irate when we find out … and blame them for letting us let them do it.

EXPERIENCE-I-TRUE-I-POSSIBLE-I-EVERYTHING-I

A prayer for the strength to exist:

The sum total of the EXPERIENCE that leads up to this moment, is I.

The only TRUE recount of this story, is I.

The ONE thing that makes this moment, is I.

EVERYTHING is I.

From my soap box!

After hearing some reports (which I believe are misquoting) that John McCain is claiming there will be a revolution in the U.S. soon, and after seeing some of the so-far-out-they-don’t-stand-on-a-side ranters with microphones, like Hon. James David Manning, PhD, claim that white people are going to start riots … I’d really prefer that if a revolution is going to happen, that it be:

- Racially unified (lets not make this a you v. me situation)
- Socially aware  (lets not beat up our neighbors cause we’re angry at the go’ment)
- Peaceful (lets not beat up anybody)
- Spiritually harmonious (lets not let our vision of god keep us from bonding with one another)

The tools of the good: the brain, the pen, the wallet.

The tools of the evil: the rage, the fist and the gun.

Peace

On DRM and Copyright Infringement

What does someone do when they have a legitimate backup of a CD, but no original to reference as their proof of purchase.

For instance… My old car stereo required a CD to unlock it in the event of a power failure. I had programmed in Wu-Tang Clan’s – Enter the 36 Chambers. Over the life of the stereo I had to repurchase the album 6 times. Through my own failures of CD management, and the efforts of others to pilfer my collection, I lost every copy I’ve ever owned, however, the last time I ripped a copy of the CD, and then used burned copies in the future to unlock the car stereo.

In this situation, I legally own 6 licenses to the album, but have no proof other than the copy I ripped onto my computer (which is now lost).

So where does that fall on the scale of copyright infringement? Am I safe from the hounding eyes of the RIAA?

I hardly doubt this is a unique scenario.

“The Unforgiving Minute” by Craig Mullaney

I just finished reading “The Unforgiving Minute” by Craig Mullaney.  The story chronicles a Rhodes Scolar/Army Ranger’s learning curve from West Point, to Oxford and then Afghanistan.  It’s a compelling read, and I was definitely driven to finish the book quickly.

At times Mullaney can be trite and bit cliche in his descriptions of the events that occured in his life, and I was often questioning the depths of some of the relationships he describes.  However, he was still able to create an incredible sense of empathy for his position and the hard decisions he was faced with, not only as a powerless “Plebe” but as an itellectual exploring the depths of a unique college experience, as a man learning the ins and outs of a multi-cultural relationship, a platoon leader faced with the responsibility to protect the lives of his own men, and a son fighting for an identity in the eyes of a unapproving father.

As a civilian its always been tough for me to understand the nature of a someone who has seen battle.  ”The Unforgiving Minute” put into perspective the change that occurs in a person when they put themselves aside and willingly step into the path of danger for someone else.

Considering my politcal position with regard to our involvements in the Middle East, it was somewhat out of character for me to pick up a book like this.  Having read it, I have to say thank you to Craig Mullaney, because he took a concept that is utterly personal, and explained it without involving the, at best, dicy politics that surround it.

Drinking isn’t my problem…

[ I haven't posted in a long time, I hope you enjoy this one ]

Recently I’ve been going through a personal trial.  Its not one of those life altering I’ll never be the same again trials (although I’m not ruling it out), but one that I’ve been through many times in my life.   It’s always preceded by a pattern, which goes like this…

Week 1: Go to the bar on Friday, drink, wakeup with hang over, don’t drink the rest of the week.

Week 2: Go to the bar on Friday, drink, wakeup with hang over, drink a little on saturday to fix hangover, sober up Sunday, think about drinking next Friday.

Week 3: Go to the bar on Friday, wake up in the bar on Sunday morning, have a bloody mary and pass the time until next Friday.

Week 4: Well, if you can’t see the pattern developing, go do something simpler, like tweeting yourself.

Next thing I know, I’m drinking steadily all week long, perhaps not getting wasted, but definitely putting on the buzz on a regular basis, with the crescendo being the Friday night bash, but never really coming to resolution.  All the sober/buzz/drunk back and forth starts to put stress on my brain, my responsibilities and my health. I start to freak out a bit, and I stop drinking.  Just like that.  Its not some mission from god for me to quit drinking, it just happens.  I start drinking cranberry and sodas (the best drinking simulator I’ve found, and its good for your kidneys) at the bar while everyone else gets drunk, and I become the built in DD.  Its quite convenient for me and my friends…

But that’s where the trouble all starts… my friends.   It’s like a social sin to be at a bar, and not be drinking, even if you’re the one with the car keys.  Sometimes the amount of shit I get from my friends about not drinking is worse than the hangover.   The simple repetitive nature of the concept makes me want to drink, and eventually I give in…

Insert progressive drinking pattern here.

My worst friend (in this regard) is one of my closest friends, who went on a three month dryout himself, and knows the importance of the mission at hand, yet he still harranges the shit out of me because I won’t drink with him.

The problem is, I have clean-and-sober type friends, and the rational conclusion is to start hanging out with them and stop hanging out with the drinking crowd… But the truth is, while my clean-and-sober friends are good intellectual/spiritual motivators with their heads screwed on straight, when it comes to a Friday night, at the end of a long work week, they burn on me like a sparkler, when what I really need is a 20 pound mortar.

So you see, drinking isn’t my problem…

 

Quote for the Day, Week, Year, Decade, Millenia

I started reading Common Sense, by Thomas Paine and his opening statement seems to say it well (at least for me):

PERHAPS the sentiments contained in the following pages, are not yet sufficiently fashionable to procure them general favor; a long habit of not thinking a thing wrong, gives it a superficial appearance of being right, and raises at first a formidable outcry in defence of custom. But tumult soon subsides. Time makes more converts than reason.

- Thomas Paine